Friday, October 25, 2013

Harishchandra's MVK

PVKs! Every organization has them! I mean Raja Harishchandra’s “Pakkathu Veetu Kaaris” (padosan or neighbor lady). You know about the 110% honest Raja Harishchandra, right? He would do anything to keep his word, while his nemesis, Nakshatrak, persecuted him with ever-increasing demands. Well …PVKs are one up on the Raja himself! They started the training school where the Raja was educated on the finer nuances of integrity. No wonder they preen themselves with their virtuous, holier-than-thou attitudes!
First, there was Mrs. Goody-Two-Shoes. She not only imparted education to the chemically challenged first-generation PCMBs, but also chauffeured the illustrious Principal in her car, for “college” work, without any whisper of petrol reimbursement! This meant driving him to Sapna’s, Gangaram’s, and the like. What a wonderful example of selfless service! We lesser mortals had a thing or two to learn! Loyalty of this sort cannot go unrewarded now, can it?
Take Mrs Selfless Service at the other place. You could not have met a nobler soul. She toiled for her flock; proofread their projects; and got the papers printed and bound at her own shop. The students had to pay her only the cost price – about 20% higher than the market price.
PVK III was a dainty, elegant lady – efficient, totally in charge! “If you’re interested,” she whispered sweetly, “my husband is directing a play. I can give you all tickets.” Oh! We were interested! But, of course! How sweet of her to invite us – the new recruits to her department – at just Rs 150 each, on a weekday, to this play at the other end of town! We badly needed this stress-buster alright, what with the deadline for entering the Mocks paper being 4:00 pm the next day.
Ms. Politically Correct was the biggest PVK of all. How did she manage to crowd so many supposed-tos and not-supposed-tos into her head? One was supposed to teach about “inflation” – not “hyper inflation”. One had to talk of “market failure” but not its “social costs”. This was sheer tight-rope walking. “Hmmm,” said I, suitably chastised, “I shall eulogize about Keynes and Macroeconomics today”.
“You’re not supposed to use such words! What is this word, “Eulogize”? Speak normal English!” was the riposte.
My mind played a staccato beat:

Right! Wrong! Right! Wrong! Right! Right! Wrong!
March to the beat of this rhythmic song.
Wake up early; don’t sleep late;
Eat regularly; don’t change Fate.
Perfect posture; do not slump.
You will grow up handsome. Mind that hump!
Left, right, left, right, left, right, left –
Life consists of warp and weft.

March only in those squares, no stamping lines, remember your hopscotch days?
Develop a conscious OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Those lines are “Lakshman Rekhas” Beware of crossing them!

The pecking order shall prevail, like a top-heavy totem pole. If little Chicken Licken should think out of his little box at the bottom, what happens? Why, the sky will crash on his head – PVKs, totem pole, and all!

I think I have got the hang of the PVK technique. Keynes was right. One needs a holistic, bird’s-eye view. Indeed I can observe from my new vantage point, to which I have moved. You see I am Harishchandra’s MVK (Ma

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